Date men and women from Canada / Quebec / Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu, 26 year old

Date someone special from Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu, Canada. So I was in the shower this morning, having a vodka martini while washing my hair, and I though "wouldn't it be great if I had a girl to do this for me?"
I mean wash my hair, not drink the martini... I can do that myself...
So after heading outside and kicking some homeless men so I could steal their change cups for cash, I popped into a Starbucks and ordered a non-fat soy chai latte, then had the barista stir it with her tongue. You didn't know Starbucks did that? Well you've probably never asked. Try it next time.
I sat down and fired up my laptop, first browsing a couple porn sites to see if my sister was getting any work... then opened up Craigslist and started to write.
So by this point of my profile, you probably want to shoot me in the kneecap with a small girly handgun... Let me give you some more ammunition...
* While surfing in Africa last winter, I lied to my friend about which beaches had shark sightings then went to the worst one. I smeared his board with fish guts. Once he was attacked, I pulled him from the water... I'm a goddamn hero!